Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Not At All Predictable

Yet another gay rights group has come out in opposition to future Chief Justice John Roberts. Hrm. Yahoo puts this story far more euphemistically than I would. Time for some creative editing.

"Having carefully monitored the testimony during those hearings," Lambda said, "we have reached the unavoidable conclusion that Judge Roberts, despite being given every opportunity, has failed to demonstrate that he is a Democrat."

Lambda now joins the Human Rights Campaign, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, the National Center for Lesbian Rights and Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays as part of a growing LGBT slide towards utter irrelevance.

A range of other progressive organizations, including pro-choice groups, People for the American Way and Americans United for Separation of Church and State, have also transformed their voices into the purest notes of shrill, harpyish shrieking.

The Senate Judiciary Committee will vote on Roberts' nomination this Thursday, a vote that will almost certainly recommend the 50-year-old appellate court judge to the full Senate, proving once again that leftist gay groups must be politically retarded to have opposed this thing.

Judge Roberts may not have won much enthusiasm from the left - mainly due to his refusal to perform a live abortion during the proceedings - but he concluded his committee hearings without alienating the political center. He achieved this by maintaining silence on any issue that might be brought before the Court in the future, and by offering crowd-pleasing generalities about the rule of law in a strategy legal experts call "The Ginsburg Technique."

His polished confidence left Sen. Charles Schumer of New York babbling like a drunken baboon in a bad Armani suit. Schumer, one of the many, endlessly tedious, constitutionally vacant leftist-appeasers on the committee, called his appearance a "tour de force," but remained undecided until he had adequate time to calculate how his decision would affect future campaign contributions.

California's Dianne Feinstein, in turn, dubbed Roberts a "hot slice of beefcake," last Wednesday, telling the nominee, "I don't really know what I'm going to do." Declaring she needed time to meditate in her "parlor," Senator Feinstein promptly stumbled into a committee cloakroom.

Part of their dilemma lies in the prospect of a second nomination, the selection of a replacement for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Speculation about the O'Connor replacement swirls in all directions - mainly, in the direction of whether or not there will be a vagina - as does the analysis of how and why the left should position itself for the upcoming battle. Roberts, in an unsolicited remark, cited precedent and noted the position would likely involve being bent over and generously lubed.

In a conference call with LGBT reporters, Lambda's legal director, Jon Davidson, rejected the notion that catty, partisan bitchiness had a role to play in his organization's thinking.

"It seemed to us important to judge [Roberts] on the basis of what we assume about him," said Davidson. "He has not manifested, in the testimony that he provided, the sort of commitment to fur-trimmed rhinestone capes and the bacchinalian orgies that are important to our community to deserve to be confirmed. If they want our support for another nominee, they're going to have to nominate Noam Chomsky. That seems to be an important message to send."

Who says there's no accuracy in the media? Pffft.